So Ive been reading posts from people regarding the 30 day shred by Jillian Michaels, so I bit the bullet lastnight and picked one up at walmart along with a mat and 3lb dumb bells. 3 pounds??? Seriously?! What is that supposed to do for me? Im a 300something pound woman! I dont know what 3 lbs is supposed to do... pfft! I was going to start the video lastnight but after not using the DVD player for a long time, the remote was missing and I couldnt get the stupid cursor thing to move to play so my husband had to go buy a remote to program the the DVD player and we didnt get done with everything til 10pm. At that time I was so tired I just took a shower and went to bed. BUT I am going to start it tonight even though Im nervous about someone walking in on me doing it.
Its finally the weekend. Ive been ready for it all week! Im so tired of sitting at my desk all day and to top it off ITS BEEN SLOW. I get bored so easily so slow days are torture for me. At this point I have nothing big planned for the weekend although it seems that I have a full weekend booked. Im hoping that I can stay on track with making good decisions because I tend to make snap decisions if Im in a hurry.
I started this blog to talk about my weight loss issues but I do feel that maybe it would help me if I talked about life issues as well, so... with that said, I really want to talk about my Mom for a second... (forgive me.. this is just random thoughts/feels)... I MISS HER SO MUCH!!! I told my husband lastnight that the world literally doesnt feel right without her here. I would have never guessed that I would be 31 years old and both of my parents would be dead. Call me crazy but I was looking forward to the day that I moved her into my home and took care of her. If anyone has ever seen the movie "Langoliers by Steven King"... my heart feels like that. Almost like something has just ate part of my world and I feel like one day Im going to move the wrong direction and just fall off into a black hole. I think thats a weird terminology but thats literally what it feels like right now. My Mom was me best friend and I talked to her about everything in the world and now... I cant. I found a video on my phone that has a snippet of her voice and when I heard her voice, I just cried. I would give anything in the world to have one more talk with her. A part of me is angry with her too. Angry that she left, angry that she left me with such a huge mess to clean upm angry that she didnt take care of her self. My Mom was the least selfish person I have ever met and she took care of so many others and no one took care of her. It makes me mad at her that she let people (in my opinion) take advantage of her. OK.... enough of all this.. Im starting to cry. Everyone says that writing and blogging will help me get through all this.. I sure hope they are right but right now I just cry.
Well, thats it for today. I probably wont blog again until Monday. Wish me luck with the weekend.
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